Tie Your Shoestrings Here

Fighting Normalcy One Post at a Time

Aunt Agony is Here to Help

Hi, Aunty Agony here.
I heard that you’ve got a wedding to go to but your not entirely sure what to get the bride.
Don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect solutions for your picking and choosing.
Excuse me, what are you doing with that envelop of money? Put it down, bitch. I swear people nowadays.

Oh sorry, I got a bit upset. Give me a moment, I’ll be right back with you. And could you pour me a glass of champagne? No not any of the cheap stuff, I’d like Moet please, thanks.
Right, now where was I?
Oh yeah that’s right, I was suppose to be helping you out with your problems yeah? I’ll get right onto that.
Getting wedding gifts are like playing a game of Russian roulette, like eating a box of assorted chocolates just to find the one with the raspberry filling, like trying to walk across a minefield, so on and so forth. I could sit here and throw out more metaphors if you want me to but since your getting so panicked I won’t.
Girl, you need to a take a chill pill. Won’t you have a glass of champagne too? Here, take it you look like you seriously need it.

You want to know why I got pissed with you and your money idea? It’s not really that I’m against it cause if you think hard it is a real good idea. I mean, won’t it be good for the married couple to go out with a wallet full of cash and get whatever they want? This way, we avoid getting them three sets of Tiffany cutlery or a cupboard full of unused toasters. It is completely normal in Chinese culture isn’t it?

Thing is, and listen up carefully because I ain’t going to say this twice, giving a stack of money has no real sentimental value in it. That’s why presents that you know the couple in question will love generally will be used.
With presents, you can infer how much many restless nights and days the person had while thinking about what to get you.
A stack of money doesn’t have that association, it doesn’t show how much you want the couple to be happy and that you are sharing in the joy of their most special day.
The idea of having a wedding register is a good one and I will say that although it isn’t exactly my cup of tea it is a thousand times better than just handing a red envelop of cash to the wedded couple.
Besides, haven’t any of you heard about the term re-gifting?

Alright, what should you get your friends/family member/person getting married in question? It honestly depends on how well you know them.
If your just an acquaintance of theirs who don’t see them regularly or if you secretly hate that person, get them gift vouchers cause we all know how well that works. If you honestly can’t think of what to get them, then fine, you can give them cash.
But if you know the to-be husband and wife well then you tailor what to get them to their tastes.
Handmade crafts are something that is all the rage now, here are some of Aunt’s picks.

Just settle down, sip that nice cold champagne that is bubbling on your tongue and relax, Aunty Agony has got everything under control-

– Are your friends into sea-life? Are they constantly heading down to the beach and putting on their goggles?
Or do they simply have an interest in sea creatures and the underwater realm?
Well, here we have some cool handmade pottery pieces that can serve not just as decorations but as tiny entree plates or sauce platters when their entertaining.
You can even have them custom choose which sea creature they would like and what colour!-


Price Range: US $18 Each
For more information just click on the image

– Not exactly, what you had in mind? Don’t worry, we’ve got a load of options you can choose from-

Is your bride up the duff? Bun in the oven? Hopefully this ain’t a gun shot wedding. Does she already have children? Even if she isn’t, is she planning for the sound of pattering feet in the near future? Well… get ready for adorable handcrafted animal finger puppets. You have five adorable animals- a cow, a chicken, a goat, a horse and … a peacock. That’s something you don’t see everyday do you? They will make for fun play toys for children and will be helpful in early childhood stimulus. They couple will be able to entertaining their little tyke for a long time to come!

Price Range: US $37 for all five
For more information just click on the image

-Your friend doesn’t ever plan to have kids? Ever? She/he simply cannot stand looking at a child without feeling the irresistible need to hurl? Why then, we’ve got other options you could try out.

Have you thought about getting them a mirror for their new home? While some might call it inauspicious, we believe it is simply practical thinking that will land you *ULTIMATE BEST FRIEND FOR GIFTS EVER*. A stylish mirror like this would fit right into any bathroom of work well as a vanity mirror for that beautiful bride. It could even be hung across the dinning room for effect or in the living room for decoration. You could even hang in in the laundry and it would still look suitable (although we don’t really think that is the best place for a mirror).

Price Range: US $45
For more information just click on the image

Alright, this didn’t suit your needs? Your friend is one fussy person. In any case, jewels are the next best thing. No one can say no to something sparkly and works as an accessory! This orange purple crystal necklace would make for a nice addition onto the next time the pair come out to Friday Dub-step Nights! If they’re going out of some formal event or if it’s someone’s funeral- this would be a nice little thing to throw on to the neck and add just that little bit of glam.

Price Range: US $34
For more information just click on the image above

None of these worked for you? Just how fussy is this person? It time for the big guns.

When the newlyweds choose their home perhaps they didn’t have enough money to get some of the essentials such as the bed frame, drawers and the such? Don’t worry, although this new item might be a little costly, you and a group of your friends could chip for this perfect wedding gift.
It is a Custom painted French Provincial Bedroom Set in beautiful black and white with stripes!
Your thoughtfulness will touch their hearts and they would certain use some of the items to good use.

Price Range: Queen Bed- US $950
Chest of Drawers- US $840
Nightstand- US $200
Complete Set- US $1990
For more information just click on the image above

None of them suited what you wanted? Well, your a difficult case to crack. Why don’t you contact us with what you’d like to get them and we’ll hunt around for you? We’re sorry we couldn’t help you but hey, not everyone’s perfect!

That’s it from Aunty Agony today. Have you finished you champagne yet?
Never mind just take the bottle with you, I’ve got an entire case full of the stuff, loosing one bottle doesn’t mean anything to me.
If I didn’t really help you then it isn’t my problem. I’m just Aunty Agony, I’m not god.

Come again next time and I’ll see what I can do.
You’ll do better if you actually looked for what you wanted to get them.
Oh and if you do come, be a dear bring a few bottles of red wine yeah?
It’ll make the process go a whole lot smoother.

Aunt Agony Out

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on October 23, 2012 by and tagged , , .
%d bloggers like this: